His Name is Noah

It's been a while since someone made me cry. Not by their actions but just by being who they are. Tonight, Noah made me cry. I've had the pleasure of spending the last couple of Tuesday nights with him for a very brief snippets of time; a car ride from his "school" to his home. 

Tonight we talked about his life as a high schooler, and all he's learned in life over the last year. If we were giving away awards to kids that had the crappiest hand dealt to them last year, he might win. In fact, he'd give some adults a run for their money. In the midst of all that has happened to him, he shared with me tonight, he's learned so much. A 15yr old with the wisdom of a 50yr old. 

I love his parents, and I wish I could say that Noah is who he is because of them and in part he is, but I think this most of all, Noah is exactly who God created him to be. For some of us it takes well in to adulthood to figure out who we are. Noah figured it out early and has embraced it.

Tonight he voiced his concerns for friends he is no longer in touch with and his hopes for their futures. He talked about his new friends and the joy they've brought to his life. He stressed the importance of having people in your life and the depression that comes with isolation. He talked about the future and all that it holds for him. 

He is the young man parents are proud of. He's the young man that Mother's are happy to have their little boys emulate. He is the young man that a Father will delight that their daughter has chosen him. He is a bright shining star. 

I love this kid. I love him as if he were my own. I wish you all could know this kid. 

His name is Noah. 

Do You Remember...

Tonight I had a conversation with my friend Pam. We've been friends since... I'm not even sure when we became friends! She only lived two blocks away from me growing up, so I feel safe in saying we became friends sometime in elementary school.

One thing I've always appreciated about her is that even in our own personal dramas our friendship never had any drama. In high school we got involved with different crowds and drifted our separate ways, but even with that I don't recall much drama. It was just a part of our growing up and finding ourselves.

I remember sometime around the end of our senior year of high school we found ourselves in the hallway together and we talked about what life had next in store for us. That was the most we had talked in 4 years. As most reunions go these days, we found each other via Facebook and reconnected. I've had the chance to catch up with her when she's in town, learn about her life since we last saw each other, and meet her fantastic kids.

Tonight our conversation didn't start as one of those happy go lucky let's catch up convos, it was just a real honest grown up conversation. Discussing the heartbreak and happiness of life as a grown up. I don't know how, but we veered off in to a walk down memory lane discussing the boys we thought we loved or had serious crushes on as teens. I might have even facebook stalked one during our convo to find out he's still a nerd, and still adorable. We laughed as we both reverted to those 13yr old girls during our chat this evening.

Of course neither one of us wants to stay in that place, but for a moment it was such a blast to have a genuine laugh with someone who's known you at your best and your most awkward (I might still be in my awkward phase). To laugh with someone who knows the crush you had in 8th grade that you should be embarrassed about but still aren't.

There are chapters in our friendship that are missing. And that isn't a bad thing! I wonder if we could be the friends we are today if we had shared all of those experiences growing up together. I don't know that we would.

I'm so thankful for Pam and her years of friendship! I'm excited for her journey and the new chapter she's beginning in her life. And I'm so thankful that I can have a moment to laugh and be 13 again with her!

I'll let you know if that old crush accepts my friend request - after I squeal with giddy excitement

Talk about foreshadowing!

I posted just about 2 weeks ago about how Jacksonville is always a mile marker for me, that is the place I go before life throws me a curve-ball or before I go and mix things up. Maybe deep in my heart I knew that's what was happening when I wrote that blog.

Here I am just a few weeks later, having said goodbye to my job at the church as of Tuesday and looking ahead wondering "WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING???" I have never been so directionless in my life. But I also don't think I've ever been more certain I am on the right track.

I'm not so naive that I think something is just going to fall in to my lap while I sit here looking at the sky patiently waiting. But I do think in the midst of all of the crazy that is my life, the right thing and I will find each other. "What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?" is a question that has bounced around in my head a lot this past week. The truth is I don't have an answer to what career I want to have, but I do know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be greater. Greater than who I am right now, greater at loving people, and greater at contributing to the lives I encounter in my journey. I don't know yet what that looks like in career setting, but I have no doubt that I will find it. It might be the next thing I do, it might be the collaboration of all the future things I do.

Pardon my rambling, I've had so many thoughts running around in my head this past week, I think this is more for me than it is for anyone else. 

So in the mean time, I'll adjust to post church life - which I'm adjusting to surprisingly well. Did you know people sleep in and go to a thing called "Brunch" on Sundays???? It's a real thing! I did both today and they were glorious!

Thinking

I have just an hour and a half before I leave Jacksonville headed back to San Antonio. I've just said my goodbyes to my best friend and her youngest and in a few minutes her sister, my sister, Rachel will be taking me to the airport.

I've never cared for goodbyes, most people don't, but I've managed to power through them with little difficulty. This trip however is proving to be more difficult. Maybe it's hormones. Or maybe it's because these people are truly like my family. The beach is my second home. Jacksonville has always represented so many things in my life over the years. And as I sit here and think about it now, it's always been a major mile marker. I changed and grew up so much while I lived here, I came back here the day I had the carpet pulled from under me in 2002, I came back here while recovering from heartbreak, I came here and celebrated my best friend's wedding, I came here and sat on the beach before going home to make a major life decision. This place has been a turning point place.

I don't know that this trip is in the midst of a turning point or if it means one is coming. Maybe it's just an overdue visit. But I do know it has a special hold on my heart and the people here are people that I can't even find the words to say how much I love them.

I hate tears. I hate goodbyes. But, I suppose for today I'll embrace both, and I'll look forward to whatever is heading my way.