Skipping ahead

Tonight I find myself watching one of my favorite movies, An Affair to Remember. I've seen this movie more times than I can count.

There are two scenes in this movie that break my heart. The first is when Nicky is waiting for Terry on top of the Empire State Building, feeling like she changed her mind about him, completely unaware that she has suffered a major accident just down below on the street level. 

The second is when Nicky & Terry run in to each other at the theater and have a brief exchange. Terry can't bear to tell Nicky about the accident or how it's changed her life. She just lets him walk away. You can feel Terry's heart breaking as he leaves with so many unspoken questions. 

As I said before, I've seen this movie millions of times. After all these times I still feel their angst and heartbreak. A while back I decided I would start skipping those parts of the movie. Obviously, if you've never seen the movie, you need to see these scenes for the movie to make sense. But for me, I know the story. So I decided I didn't need to endure the sad parts to enjoy the movie. 

I wonder how often we do that in life. We know that tough or hard times are coming. We may not know exactly what they are, but we know when we are in the midst of them or quickly approaching them. We can play the oblivious card and refuse to acknowledge our world crumbling down around us, close our eyes and plug our ears and pray and hope it passes quickly. But what do we miss when we have our eyes squeezed shut?

You're missing part of the story! If you move forward there are parts that just won't make sense because you missed the big stuff. The big stuff can be miserable. It can also be the best stuff. It's the stuff that changes the story! If I never saw those two scenes Nicky & Terry finally finding each other would feel empty. It'd be a nice ending but there's so much I wouldn't understand. It would be a good story, not a great story. Don't miss the moments that make your extraordinary story just a regular story!

The In Between

I'm in a season of in between. Actually it feels like it's been a century, but being that I tend to be a bit dramatic, I recognize that it really hasn't been that long. 

The season of in between, it's something I absolutely love and completely despise at the same time. 

The in between is the most hellish spot to be in, because you aren't in the new yet, and there's remnants of the old and tired - things I want to leave behind, move away from. 

The in between brings me joy because it means I'm moving from the old into something new, something different. It is a place of learning. Being removed enough from what has happened to see where there was failure, where there was success, and where there's room for growth. 

So here I am in the in between, looking ahead. I can see there are things on the horizon that have great promise and potential, but they are yet to be reality. The truth is they may never be reality. As I move closer I might find that they weren't what they appeared to be from a distance and may be something much greater than what I imagined. They might simply be a mirage, a dangling carrot to help move me out of the desert that is the in between. The things I hope for and long for today may not be the things I even consider tomorrow. I'm excited about what is to come - whatever it is.

Today I am thankful for the in between. It's not always comfortable or where I want to be, but in this season, I feel like I've grown and learned more than other times I was hanging out in the in between.

So until the next new shiny chapter, you can find me here in the in between.

Happy Birthday in Heaven

Today would have been my Aunt Jane's birthday. She left us unexpectedly a week ago today. So while we are celebrating her life in a way we hadn't planned, I thought I'd take some time to tell you a little bit about her.

My Aunt Jane lived a good life. She was always ready for an adventure. She was a complicated woman with stories and secrets but more than that she was a joyful woman. She had a big laugh and was so playful. As she got older she reminded me more and more of my Great Grandpa. I remember in a recent visit that she was singing all morning, and I mean she was really singing. I hadn't really been listening, but as I started to listen I realized she was doing something my Grandaddy had done, singing her prayers. She had been singing for hours! I remember being moved and wondering if I would ever have the discipline to be in a state of prayer like that.

There is a void in our family now, some days it feels greater than others. But I take great comfort in knowing that I may not see her any time soon, I will see her again. I'd like to think that she and Grandaddy are in Heaven happy and singing prayers over us here.

Happy Birthday Aunt Jane, I miss you daily, but I celebrate your life well lived!